


Insidious

by saygoodnightgracie



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fear, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 09:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14808384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saygoodnightgracie/pseuds/saygoodnightgracie
Summary: The relationship between Alicia and Kalinda was tempestuous and heated--a roller coaster of secrets and trust, friendship and anger. This piece briefly explores the progression of feelings from Kalinda's perspective, focusing on the tiny moments that led her to realize how much she loved Alicia.





	Insidious

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel of sorts for Bruised Not Broken but can stand on its own.

It ate at her from the inside. It clawed at her ribs and squeezed until she could scarce draw breath. She ached, pain crying out from the darkest recesses of her mere existence.

How did she allow it to come to this? 

It was two years in the making—-probably more if she were honest with herself. Ever so slowly she had made herself vulnerable; she had no one but herself to blame.

The first time she came to Alicia’s home marked the first time she could see past her own walls. Defenses crumbling; affections rising. Alicia was sick and Kalinda had an unfamiliar desire to take care of here. That’s when she felt the first twinge—-a subtle ache emanating from behind her breastbone, pulsating dully against her spine. She ignored it as she heated up a can of soup on the range.

It tried to make itself known in subtle moments as she went about her day: a quickening of her pulse as she recognized Alicia’s lingering perfume in the elevator; a tremble in her fingers as she casually brought her hand up to the small of Alicia’s back as she held open the door and followed her out of the courtroom; the way her eyes subconsciously followed Alicia’s movements through the glass of the conference room; a flickering of desire when their fingers brushed together, skin sparking against skin as Kalinda passed along bits of intel she’d discovered.

“You slept with my husband.” She never thought they could recover from that moment—that she could recover from that moment. Anything she could possibly have cared about was lost to her forever. There would be no coming back from that. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t try. There may not have been hope, but even hopeless causes deserved a champion. 

She figured it out eventually. Of course she did. At least now she knew it was in no way romantic; that it hadn’t been about her. It had been a business transaction—one Kalinda wanted to regret more than anything, but it had made this life possible—had made “Kalinda” possible.

“I’m…flexible.” She wasn’t even sure what she was trying to accomplish with that one. Levity? Diversion? Honesty? Regardless, Alicia had taken it in stride. Their relationship, such as it was, was on the mend. There were occasional drinks, even laughter that wasn’t sarcasm or condescension. Hope began to take hold. Then… 

“He called me at home. And he said my name.” That was the moment it became insidious. Her past was consuming her and it would consume the one person she cared about the most. How could she have let this happen? How could she have put the one person she truly loved at risk? There was no other option; she had to fix this—no matter the cost.


End file.
